Your Excellencies, dear brothers and dear sisters
It is my absolute honor for me to get this opportunity to share my thoughts at this ASEAN WEF in this beautiful country of Malaysia – that is Truly Asia. My heartfelt gratitude to Dr. Harbeen Arora Rai — the visionary founder of the Women Economic Forum and countless other platforms like G100 that empower women across the globe. Your leadership continues to be a source of inspiration.
I also wish to extend my sincere appreciation to Datin (Dr) Hartini Osman and to every remarkable sisters attending the conference. You all have not only championed Sheconomy – you all are empowered women, trailblazing new standards for more enlightened humanity. Congratulations to each of you, and to all brothers who have stood beside and behind in true support of these heart-warming journeys.
But globally, the likes of the incredible sisters gathered in this hall are in the minority. There are still millions if not billions of sisters out there still denied the opportunities, the voices, and the dreams that you all so boldly represent.
So, I invite everyone to join me in taking a moment to express our solidarity with our less fortunate, less empowered sisters and beg for blessings of Almighty for the courage, compassion, and clarity to help make our world more just, equal, harmonious, and prosperous—a world united by one shared humanity.
While I come from Bhutan, the Kingdom of Mindfulness, a country located in the high Himalayas, I come to this conference as a messenger from the UNIVERSE bringing three messages from the Universe to help us in this pursuits to make our world more humane, where everyone, men and women enjoy same opportunity and prosperity.
Before I share the messages, please allow me to share a little about what led me to become a a supporter of HeForShe values.
I come from a big family. We are ten siblings from my mother and two fathers. I and my elder siblings lost our father, he left us for heaven when I was barely one year and my younger siblings lost their father and my step father when my youngest sibling was just 5 years old. He left us to start a new family. So, my mother was a single parent to 10 children most of her life and we without a father figure all along.
Except for food, cloth and shelter, I have not seen my step father do any household chores, e.g. I have not seen him wash his children’s dirty clothes, nor his own clothes. Those days laundry was a hard work, as it was manual, there were no washing machines.
I am sure it must have been same for my late father too. So, I grew up watching my mother single handedly raise us. My mother despite having no formal education, no salary, no savings, no support system managed to raise all 10 of us into a healthy and happy citizens.
I like to share a secret about my mother. Not once did I see my mother complain, Not once did I see her break under pressure, not once did we feel lesser than other children and not once did I see her spank us out of frustration, because we did not have a father at home.
But I can only imagine what the truth must have been—every minute of her life, up until the day my youngest sibling finished his college, must have been a quiet struggle, perhaps even a silent nightmare.
And yet, to this day, it remains a mystery to me: how did my mother manage to hide all her hardships so completely? How did she carry such an immense weight without ever letting it show on her face or in her behavior?
On the contrary, I tell you—her face always radiated serenity and peace. Anyone who saw her couldn’t help but feel uplifted.
Her strength wasn’t loud—but it was unyielding. She was, and remains, my definition of an ideal human being: compassionate, resilient, accountable, and selfless.
And sadly, I must say the same is true for my elder sister – the second oldest among us. She, too, never got the chance to go to school—not because she lacked ability or ambition, but simply because she was a girl. Due to the difficult situation at home, my mother needed a helping hand, and my elder sister was the natural candidate, solely because of her gender. Our eldest is a brother and he was spared from this responsibility, because of his gender.
Then there’s another woman, formally educated with Master’s degree, office goer, strong family support. But at one time in time, a senior male saw her as single and vulnerable and so he tried to exploit his seniority and status. He made few attempts to exploit her. But, she stood up—not just for herself, but for every woman who had been silenced before her. And the irony is that, to the rest of the world, this man is still a respected citizen, a good husband and a good father.
That strong woman is my life partner today. She, like my mother and sister, gave me first hand experiences on gender based injustices and deepened my understanding of it.
Then my work in the government took me to nooks and corners of my country. In these travels, I observed instances of women and child exploitation. In one of such trips, I have seen a “respectable” man take advantage of vulnerable rural woman, exploiting her under the cloak of status.
These experiences moved me so deeply that in 2013, I poured my anger, grief, and hope into a novel titled Escapades – Awakening. It was my attempt to confront the injustices, exploitation and systemic inequality women face. This book was later recognized by the London School of Economics as a Top 5 Must-Read for International Women’s Day (2019).
These are some comments from the readers :
“A courageous and brutally honest novel that shines a light on exploitation, and systemic inequality.” — Megan Ritchie, Global MD, WASH
“Perfectly captures women’s toil… no male writer has done that before.” — Chimi Wangmo, Executive Director, RENEW
“Are you really a male writer?” — Cornelis Klein, Honorary Consul of Bhutan, Netherlands
I was reminded of this again at an event celebrating the International Women’s Day celebration in 2018 in Bhutan at which I gave a keynote speech.
After the formal programme, during the networking and snacking time- a “respected” gentleman came up to me and said, with a hint of sarcasm, “You bashed us up thoroughly.” I knew what he meant – he meant that my speech was really hard on men.
Why? Because I had spoken openly and honestly about a difficult truth:
That men need to do more—much more—if we are ever to achieve gender equality.
These experiences made me a lifetime advocate of HeforShe values.
And now let me do my duty as a messenger from the Universe by conveying the 3 messages.
- First Message – is “Do not settle for the 2024 WEF forecast that it will take 134 year to achieve gender equality.”
134 years – That’s five generations. Going by this, it means that you, me, and even our children and grandchildren may not live to witness a world where women and men are truly equal.
When we are engineering cities on Mars, and yet we are saying it will take us 134 years to engineer equality on Earth. This is a hypocrisy, an irony of highest degree and a DISGRACE to the Humanity. As expressed by Malynda Tan on the first day, I join her and say, we cannot accept this.
- Second Message is – “Change the narratives by putting end to the 3 big gender paradoxes.”
Let me explain what these 3 paradoxes are..
1st paradox is – the phrase Ladies and Gentlemen. A phrase we hear at the start of every formal event. But let’s pause for a moment and really think about it.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” It sounds polite, proper—even elegant.
Yes women are mentioned first in our greetings, but they are still placed last in our realities. They are still paid less, promoted less, represented less and treated as second-class human. In politics, in business, in innovation—even in our family decision-making—women are still being told, subtly or blatantly, to “wait your turn.”
It’s one of the great paradoxes of our time – “ladies and gentlemen.”
2. Ladies First Illusion – the second paradox
We often hear—and practice—“Ladies first.” It sounds noble. Sounds respectful. But, in reality it is a polite distraction. It is the greatest eyewash of gender equality— because it feels like progress, while maintaining a structure of systemic delay and denial.
Sure, with ‘Ladies First” – we do usher women first, when boarding a plane, walking through a door, or queuing for coffee or dinner and into functions and ceremonies. But not into cabinets. Not into parliaments. Not into Board rooms and command centers.
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
The third and perhaps most damaging paradox is this old, tired phrase: Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every great man is a woman. We both men and women have taken pride in this sentence.
But let’s look deeper: Behind? Why behind?
Well I believe this is a bait – a carefully laid trap. A well-packaged injustice. This phrase is nothing but a medal for silence. A pat on the back for staying out of the frame. It tells women: “Stay behind. Support. Don’t shine. Your power lies in silence. Your power lies in shadow.”
So I invite all to join me to believe, “We have all been fooled for far too long. And it is time to stop and bust these paradoxes and get the narrative right.
And I have suggestions, they are as follows:
- Friends and families or sisters and brothers – in place of Ladies and gentlemen or begin with Gentlemen and Ladies (alphabetical order)
- Ladies First – Lets remove this altogether – because this is too fake that I could not find any meaningful replacement.
- Lets have – “Behind every successful woman, there is a man.” It’s time men go behind the scenes, and women step boldly to the front.
3. Third Message: Men must transform first, for women to transcend
It means, we men have bigger role to play for a more harmonious world, a more humane world.
Let’s be honest. Let’s be bold. Let’s confess. We, men, have failed women. Actually we have failed ourselves – we have failed the humanity.
Because, we are not just bystanders in the story of gender inequality or gender discrimination—we the men are the primary authors of its darkest chapters: such as …
- Domestic violence
- Sexual harassment
- Rape
- Prostitution
- Women paid less
- Girl child infanticide
- Child marriages
- Honor-based violence & killings
- Women as lesser human being
We men—intentionally or not—have created these systems, upheld these norms, justified these horrors.
Thus, going forward – we Men have three choices:
- Step aside, so women can lead.
- Step behind, so women can be seen.
- Step up, but not as saviors—as co-creators.
True equality will not come from men helping women—but from men humbling ourselves. From unlearning what we thought was “normal.” From dismantling power structures that benefited us.
It starts with transformation. We cannot hope to empower women without us the men first deconstruct the mindsets, and systems that we often benefit from—consciously or not. We, men must do the inner work. We must examine the stories we were told growing up—the toxic myths of superiority, dominance, entitlement. E.g. as we must challenge the idea that doing chores at home is “assisting” rather than co-owning. We must stop calling strong women “intimidating” and start calling them “leaders.” We must raise sons who cry and daughters who roar. Because every time a man says, “That’s not my issue,” or “It’s a women’s problem,” he unknowingly tightens the chains of inequality.
This is a transformation that will not succeed without men taking up bigger responsibility—not because men are saviors, but because we men are played bigger role in creating and perpetuating this unfair situation, and therefore, we must play a bigger role in correcting it.
A Call for Action – Change in Narrative:
Well, I believe it is really a time for big change, a real change, it is long over due:
It was in July 1848, about 300 women led by sister Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott came together at the Seneca Falls Convention in NY, USA for the first Organized Women’s Right Movement. This was 55 years before the first aeroplane was made by the Wright Brothers in 1903. Since then so much progress have been made in all other areas of human interest, e.g. in aviation, 66 years after first airplane started flying, we landed on moon – and today we are exploring deep into the universe and even building cities in other planet like Mars.
But unbelievably – gender equality has barely moved in last 177 years. Today, there is not even one country that has achieved gender equality. Finland the happiest country is second in global gender equality at 87.9 % (Iceland is 1st at 92.6%)(Bhutan-119th and 65.1%: Malaysia – 108th & 68.8 %: Phlippines highest at 20th and 78.1 %) So are we moving backwards? May be – if we are to believe the World Economic Forum’s 2024 report that, at the current rate, it will take 134 more years to achieve gender parity.
So why is progress on gender equality so slow? Well I believe, something is seriously not right with whatever we were doing in the last 177 years on gender equality. So, recently, with a little guidance from the Universe, I’ve come to believe that the core reason for this slow progress could lie in something we’ve overlooked: language. The way we frame communication on gender equality.
For too long, we’ve used words and phrases like “fight for women’s rights,” “struggle for women’s empowerment,” and “revolution for gender equality.” Even the word “rights” feels out of place. These words frame the conversation on gender equality as a conflict, a battle, a war. But we all know: War only deepens division. War is subtraction. War is destruction. War means no Peace.
So, here’s a thought: what if we’ve been using the wrong language all along? What if we could reshape the way we talk about gender equality to reflect the positive change we want to see?
I would like to propose that, moving forward, we adopt a new language. Let’s stop framing gender equality as something we’re “fighting for.” Let’s start speaking of love, care, healing, balance, compassion, partnership, and shared purpose.
Because, in truth, gender equality is not subtraction; it is multiplication.
When women rise, and men rise with them—not as saviors, but as equals—something extraordinary happens:
- We don’t just add capabilities; we amplify
- We don’t just combine strengths; we unlock new intelligence.
- We don’t just coexist; we co-create a more compassionate world.
By shifting our language, we can transform not just the conversation, but the very spirit of the movement, which would help us to build a world where equality isn’t just a goal, but a beautiful, mutual creation.
Inspired by Dr Harbeen, I would like to offer an equation for gender equality:
1 woman + 1 man = 11 brothers and sisters — not 2.
That’s becoz – When we truly partner with each other, the result is far greater than the sum of our parts. Together, we create something new—something better – Transformation
Dear brothers and sisters,
- Let’s not wait 134 years.
- Let’s not “fight” for equality—let’s create itthrough love, care, compassion, balance, and shared purpose.
- We men lets transform—not as saviors, but as co-creators of a just world.
- Not a women’s movement—but a human movement.
- Lets believe Gender equality is not subtraction—it’s multiplication. In fact its more than a multiplication. Its Transformation –
So its 1 + 1 = 11 (not 2)
With the blessings and guidance of our Almighty, we, men and women, brothers and sisters together we will create a safe haven – the 7th heaven on earth, if possible in 134 days, if not 134 months…
Thank you.